How to Talk So People Listen by Michael Bernoff

Michael BernoffRemember, it starts with you persuading you to be focused on a solution You shouldn’t HAVE to use Persuasion when talking to someone about your opportunity. It seems like since people want to earn more money, have their own schedule instead of having to clock-in and out at a real job, and have a lifestyle that truly makes them happy they should be all ears. Yet they aren’t. So if YOU can see how your opportunity offers all of that, why won’t people listen? Why should you have to use persuasive skills to get them to listen? WHY, if people want what you can offer – can’t you just explain it and they get it? Yet it isn’t that easy. That is a lot of “WHYS?” And to be persuasive we must first understand WHY. Here’s the reason… NULL

People are skeptical and gun shy. They have tried things and they haven’t worked out or heard about someone who tried and failed. And they don’t want to be the next one to fail and lose money.

Makes sense doesn’t it? You’ve probably felt that way yourself a time or two. So let’s talk about HOW you can use some persuasion skills to get people to be open-minded enough to listen.

The first thing and the most important thing to know is that the most persuasive people in the world have one thing in common: They’ve learned to control their emotions. In order to persuade and influence others you must be able to assist your prospects in controlling their emotions; those of fear, anxiety and nervousness.

Because if you can make other people feel better about themselves, and they associate you with the way they feel, they’ll be open to listening to you. So HOW can you learn to first control your own emotions? In the case of building your business, the first way you can control your emotions is to focus on the solution rather than the problem. So many people that come to me for training are so frustrated and even depressed because they point the finger at themselves and say “Why isn’t anyone interested in my product?” or “Why won’t they buy from me?” If this is something you find yourself doing, you aren’t in the right emotional state and of course nobody will listen to you! So HOW do we get out of this and begin to become a persuasive person? Well if you’re reading this right now you’re taking the first step to deciding to operate yourself to be more emotionally effective, and that’s focusing on the solution. So let me recap that – Before I can share any of my persuasion strategies with you, you must first learn to persuade yourself to focus on your emotions and on a solution. My top two recommendations to anyone wanting to focus on a solution, and become more persuasive are right here: 1. Focus on a Bigger Picture. Don’t think of yourself and your problems, focus on action you take, every activity you engage in, every conversation you have, as a piece of a bigger picture. If you look at everything separately you will get worn out. Focus on each task as a piece of a bigger picture and you will find yourself in a better emotional state, and in a position to lead others. 2. Focus on Doing More than You Can. Progress is the ability to do more than you did the day before. If every day you did a little more than the day before, what would that do for you? And how would you feel? With this focus, you are better positioned to be in control of your emotions, and then able to influence others to be in the emotional state they must be in to really hear you when you share your opportunity with them.

As you are talking with people you can think about your conversation with them as the map on the back of a hotel door. It’s got the YOU ARE HERE mark and the path that leads to the EXIT. You must decipher where your prospect is to understand how to get them (and their emotions) to the “exit” (buying state).

This is the briefest of explanations on a very big, important, subject. You can learn more by listening to this audio which gives you much more detail on learning to control your emotions and be persuasive. http://www.byoaudio.com/play/W7wZM3ds You can listen to that whenever you choose, yet for now – let’s continue. Now that you understand the prerequisites of persuasion, we can talk about truly using persuasion strategies so that people will listen. Now we’re into the HOW. HOW – well again there is much to cover on this subject which we don’t have time to do in this short article, yet you can walk away with just a few ideas which will give you a great start to becoming persuasive.

I believe that persuasion and influence are the abilities to assist people in getting what they already want.

How many times have you met someone that says they want more… more money, time, freedom, more this, more that…. but they’re not willing to do what it takes? To be persuasive we must assist people in making the choice they want to make. And since we already know that people are skeptical and nervous, we also know it’s difficult for people to make a decision. So here are three ways you can be more persuasive in your conversations. Simple Persuasion Strategy #1 Ask questions. The more questions you ask – rather than just telling people how great your opportunity is… the better you’ll be able to understand their emotional state and lead them to make a decision. My favorite question is this –

Ask them “What’s not Perfect in your Life Yet?” The YET in this question pre-supposes that their life can be perfect, and also gets them talking about the issues they currently face.

Once you understand where they are… you can begin to tailor your presentation of your opportunity to meet their current issues. This question will make them more comfortable with you and will open up the door to a longer conversation with an open-minded prospect. Remember that good feeling you want them to associate with you? This is how you accomplish that. Simple Persuasion Strategy #2 Get smaller Commitments. Have you ever met with someone and assumed (perhaps frantically) that this is your one shot to get them to sign up? It’s not! You’ll get much further with a prospect if you get smaller commitments, and more of them. “Slow and steady wins the race.” Start getting what I call Micro-Commitments. How do you do that? It’s simple – first ask for a small amount of time, perhaps a few minutes. At that time you can get their interest piqued by asking them “What’s not perfect in your life yet?” and giving them a teeny insight into how your opportunity will assist them with that issue. Then stop. Ask for another commitment for an additional, longer period of time.

Getting smaller commitments lets the person feel like they are making the choice to engage with you, puts it on their terms and keeps the door open for you to guide them to make a powerful decision.

Again, there’s much more to learn on this subject… yet you can begin with taking off the pressure on yourself to get them to sign up the first time you get them on the phone! Simple Persuasion Strategy #3 Don’t Argue! Anyone ever raise an objection such as “I don’t have enough time.” to you? Of course they have! Lots of times people get caught up in what they call reasoning… trying to go through their prospects schedule to prove they actually do have time. This is not effective, and is definitely not using smart persuasion. It’s really a form of bullying if you think about it. And how about the ʻol “I don’t have the money.”, ever heard that one? You arguing back with them and telling them “You can’t afford not to do this.” doesn’t fly either. It’s better to suggest that they might be right, keep the door open and continue the conversation to brainstorm on ways they can be successful as opposed to listing all the reasons they won’t be. Check out this simple video that talks about a great stra
tegy to keep the door open… http://mikebernoff.com/maybe/ We’ve talked about the Whys and the Hows… Why must you be persuasive and How you can be. Each day as you drive down the streets of your town, every decal on every car, every sign we pass, every advertisement in every store window, we are being influenced left and right. We are influenced by the media, by TV, by our neighbors choices, by our emotions, by our friends, family and community. So my question to you is this… if you are being influenced so much – wouldn’t it make more sense for you to use to use persuasion to influence and lead others? Remember, it starts with you persuading you to be focused on a solution. Your partner in success, Michael Bernoff www.michaelbernoff.com

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