This can save your marriage. And no, it is not about severe discipline.
The British Navy dominated the oceans for hundreds of years. What was their secret?
They cleaned and did maintenance on the hulls of their ships. Their enemies took little care of theirs.
The British sailors removed barnacles, seaweed, and saltwater clams. Keeping the bottom of the boat smooth gave them a critical advantage – a ship that traveled quickly to battle stations.
An unclean hull would drag tons of shells and hundreds of yards of seaweed. This debris could cut a ship’s speed in half – a severe disadvantage in battle.
Salt-water clams were a scourge to wooden ships. Clams dug into the hulls and turned them into honeycombs. A ship riddled with these became a floating coffin over time. The ship would constantly leak and could break apart even in small storms.
It took a lot of work to clean a hull.
But the navy did it and stayed strong.
You see where this is going. Don’t you?
Regular maintenance of your marriage is worth the effort.
What does this mean for you? Learn effective communication and negotiation skills. Don’t let resentments build up. They drag your marriage down.
Fifty percent of all marriages ignore the maintenance, and their marital ships go to the bottom of the sea.
Don’t let debris sink your ship.
But it’s so easy to procrastinate.
It is human nature to put off conversations (and other tasks) that are unpleasant, awkward, thankless, difficult, risky.
Many discussions will flail, fumble, recover, fumble again.
But they will get better over time if keep your focus on how you aspire to be during a difficult discussion. Get clear on how you (not your partner) aspire to be and clear on why you would do it.
Write this down on an index card. Look at the card during a tough discussion. Be curious instead of furious. You will sail steadier under stormy conditions.
For further maintenance, I recommend an exercise called the Daily Double. Twice a day (for the next 30 days) do or say something that will make your partner feel loved, valued, respected, and appreciated.
And if you want to have your compliments get an extra boost, brag about your spouse in front of others.
It takes effort but will help keep your marital ship (and network marketing efforts) afloat.
And please do not procrastinate on this exercise
He has been interviewed about building strong marriages.
Peter Pearson, Ph.D. Coach and consultant for couples who work together. Co-founder The Couples Institute. Featured in major media such as the New York Times, Cosmo, Redbook,
Peter Pearson, Ph.D. Peter is a success coach and consultant especially for couples who want to strengthen their skills and abilities to work as a team. He co-founded The Couples Institute with his wife, Dr. Ellyn Bader. They have written two best-selling books. They are frequently invited speakers at mental health conferences focusing on helping couples bring out the best in each other.
They have been interviewed in most major media including Good Morning America, CBS Morning Show, NY Times, Redbook, Business Insider, NPR, Nightline, O Magazine, and over 50 other news media.
He can be contacted at ptpphd@gmail.com
- Marriage advise from the British Navy 200 hundred years ago by Peter Pearson - August 31, 2020
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