Stay Away From Someone Who Wants To “Coach You” by Larry Hochman

Larry HochmanUnless they’re ready. And you’re ready. And it feels right. Weird thought, huh? Especially for someone who’s been in the counseling or coaching profession for the better part of the last 25 years. Give me a minute to explain. I look around Facebook and some of the other social networking sites (but especially Facebook), and I see a whole bunch of people positioning themselves as coaches and consultants. They’re good people. All of them. They have a genuine desire to help.

They also have a genuine desire to want to be heard, to be listened to… …to be liked. The human need for recognition, to be liked, talked about, respected, is strong.

It is – without a doubt – the most common need most of us are walking around with. NULL

I know… been there, done that. Nothing wrong with it. The problem comes when someone gets the idea in their head they can “coach” other people. Even better… they can become Law of Attraction coaches! (It’s 2012… do we still talk about Law of Attraction, or has that come and gone?) People want to move forward in their businesses. They want to find the love they’ve been looking for. They want to lose weight. We know all the hot button issues. And at one point they turned to a coach for help.   A whole industry grew up around the desire to coach and be coached. Someone understood the need for people to want to feel like they are in control of their lives. So they said, “Coaching is the thing for you!” And then someone else said, “Hey…you can BE a coach!” Hmmmmmmm… One of my friends told me how the first couple of coaching experiences she had were with people who wrote some really good sales copy and hit some of the sweet spots. She wanted to feel more in control of her life, and the websites she visited promised just that. But when it came down to it, the coaching sessions turned into a gab fest… not much different from what you might hear in a bar on Friday night. And yes… real money was changing hands. Recently I got an advertisement to become a coach using someone’s system. This person would train you in coaching, including how to market your coaching business. I emailed and asked for the credentials, including where her education and certification came from. I never got an answer. But I did get unfriended and blocked pretty quickly! I’m not picking on this person in particular, though I think this kind of approach is unethical and unprofessional. See that word? Coaching is a profession. Or at least to be effective, it should be. There are skills you have to have in order to make it work.

You have to know how to listen. You have to have enough internal security to let your client do most of the talking. It has to NOT be about being needed to be heard, and to get recognition. You have to see the big picture for your client. You have to tell them the truth, and do so in a way they’re most likely to hear. You have to have the small nuances of language so you can help your client move in the direction they would like to go. You have to help them make plans.

And more than anything else…

You have to have the emotional security and success yourself to role model whatever it is your client would like to become.

That’s why so many have such a hard time with coaching… finding a good coach and BEING a good coach.   If someone is walking around wanting – needing – to be heard, is this someone with the skills and emotional maturity to be a good coach? Is this someone who has the credentials to be a good coach? Some more truth… I finished my master’s degree in counseling when I was 24 years old. I was good back then. But I was also young. Very young. There were a whole bunch of life issues I needed to work through myself. It wasn’t until I hit my mid thirties that I made a serious life study of success. I fell on my behind a bunch of times. No one is perfect. We’re all growing. But when the need to be heard and liked is the most prominent need you have, you’re not going to be an effective coach for anyone. I got strong and healthy. I made money. I filled those needs. And it allowed me to do things I hadn’t done before. Like choose NOT to work with people who weren’t ready. There’s nothing that will beat you up and burn you out faster than working with people who don’t want to be helped… Except for working with people who say they want to be helped but don’t really mean it. I respect the coaching profession too much to treat it like an indiscriminate cash register. I respect myself too much to work with people who suck the life force out of me. I respect my clients too much to take money from people who aren’t ready to do the things that inspire growth, change and success. And that’s what I intended to say in the first place… Stay away from people who want to “coach” you. Unless they’re ready. And you’re ready. And it feels right.

Meanwhile, find a place to get a start in your own growth.

Find something or someone that makes you feel good. Be willing to exchange energy. Be willing to invest in the process. Time. Money. Courage. Laughter. Forgiveness. New ways of thinking. Stay open to the things that feel right… and just a little bit scary. Those are the things that will light the fire you’ve been looking for. Larry Hochman NO MORE HOLDING BACK

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