I recently discovered something very counterintuitive, and it went against the grain of almost all relationship improvement advice.
Here’s what I tried.
I stopped doing things my wife cares about.
Ellyn really likes a clutter-free home.
Mostly I have a “live and let live’ relationship with clutter. When it comes to clutter, I have a very high tolerance for visual disarray. Much higher than Ellyn’s.
She would not describe it that way. She would simply say I am a______ (if you guessed slob, you would be right).
So, we had the predictable struggles. Ellyn would “remind” me to pick up stuff. And I, more or less, would agree. Sometimes with a good attitude and sometimes resentfully compliant. Sometimes I’d just reply, “I will do it later.” And later never arrived.
That struggle has been reduced dramatically since I stopped doing clutter patrol for her.
I now keep a better eye and I take action for “us.”
When I pick up for us, I think of it as if I am doing it for us as a team. And I know that when teammates are less stressed the team will feel better and do better.
Because I aspire to create a stronger, more loving team with Ellyn (and I do) I stop doing clutter pickup for her and do it for us. The results were almost immediate: we both felt better.
Doing it for “us” means I don’t see her as a separate person who is just trying to boss me into living up to her standards. I see the bigger picture that a neater house means more energy and less discomfort for Ellyn. And I discovered that I can also enjoy a less cluttered home. And I am not talking about living in a museum.
So as an experiment, how about for one full week you stop doing things for your mate and start doing things for the team?
P.S. Mostly I think the couple team is the strongest unit in Network Marketing. Together each accomplishes more. They can inspire, comfort, support, and totally believe we succeed and fail together.
Downlines seem to be more of a community than a team.
Teams are highly interdependent. Success depends on each team player doing their job in a reliable manner.
In Network Marketing if your sponsor does poorly it does not have to cripple your performance,
The definition of a community is a group of people with common interests and characteristics interacting with each other. Although they do not depend on each other for success, there can still be a shared energy of emotional and informational support which can be extremely valuable.
Strengthening couples as a team and community involvement makes for one heck of a strong organization...
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He has been interviewed about building strong marriages.
Peter Pearson, Ph.D. Coach and consultant for couples who work together. Co-founder The Couples Institute. Featured in major media such as the New York Times, Cosmo, Redbook,
Peter Pearson, Ph.D. Peter is a success coach and consultant especially for couples who want to strengthen their skills and abilities to work as a team. He co-founded The Couples Institute with his wife, Dr. Ellyn Bader. They have written two best-selling books. They are frequently invited speakers at mental health conferences focusing on helping couples bring out the best in each other.
They have been interviewed in most major media including Good Morning America, CBS Morning Show, NY Times, Redbook, Business Insider, NPR, Nightline, O Magazine, and over 50 other news media.
He can be contacted at ptpphd@gmail.com
- Stop doing things for your spouse if you want a better marriageBy Dr. Peter Pearson Ph.D. - August 22, 2023
- In Praise of the P-Brain By Peter Pearson, Ph.D. - April 15, 2023
- Understanding the Downside – and Choosing the UpsideBy Dr. Peter Pearson Ph.D. - February 28, 2023
