Goal setting is simple. Right? Just ask somebody what they want. Then set the goal. Make a plan. And achieve the goal.
My thirty years of helping individuals and couples create more satisfying lives have proven it is more complicated than that. Why?
Because goals aren’t just goals. They are reflections of our deepest and most vulnerable values, interests, skills, and aspirations.
But when we are able to identify a lofty and exciting goal, we feel a surge of excitement.
Then something predictable happens for most people.
They get uneasy as another internal voice emerges.
“What? Are you nuts? You’re not smart enough, talented enough, deserving enough.”
The voices of doubt are not necessarily bad. They are reminders that you’re going to need to learn new skills, attitudes, beliefs and habits. This is the price you pay for expanding your success.
But here’s the rub.
When you’ve finally identified a goal big and important enough to elicit some fear, you’ve reached a common dilemma.
Do you live in alignment with how you aspire to be or cave to the voices of doubt?
If you’re staring down the barrel of doubt around a big goal, you’re not alone.
Here are 4 components that may be worthwhile looking at in relation to your goal. Evaluating your goal against these four components will help you gauge if you’re more likely to give up on your dream or pursue it.
Desire – sometimes known as motivation. Or “how bad do you want it?” Not much happens without the desire to make it happen.
Chances for success. Desire is not enough. Some part of you will wonder about the likelihood of If the probability of success is minimal, it’s easy to give up at the first taste of frustration. Think of how many network marketers quit after the initial inevitable experience of rejection.
The amount of necessary but undesired effort. If your goal requires a lot of sustained effort that you do not value, it makes a lot more sense to give up quickly. Think of diets, getting in better shape, prospecting for new recruits.
The amount of emotional risk involved. Suppose you want to grow a huge downline and you picture tremendous rewards. A part of you begins salivating at the life-changing possibilities. But then you start hearing no from too many prospects. Or you get flak from family and friends. The discouraging responses make quitting feel like a seductive option.
All four of the above factors are inevitable players on the stage of creating a bigger life.
Next time you’re talking to a prospect, discuss how this profession could be aligned with their core values for what they want in their life, their marriage, their family.
This approach may lose some prospects initially. Especially if you include talking about courage. But the prospects you do attract will help you build a significantly stronger team.
A team whose goals reflect values that are stronger than the voices of negativity and insecurity. A team who value alignment, and whose beliefs and dreams are stronger than their excuses.
Living this way takes courage, of course.
But anyone can be courageous according to my favorite definition: “Courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s deciding something is more important than our fears.”
When you prospect with this in mind, you have the opportunity to change someone’s life. To help them decide that something inside of them is more important, and more compelling than their fears, lack of talent, or lack of experience.
This approach is not about setting goals. It is about the courage of living the life you aspire to create.
Peter Pearson, Ph.D. is a coach and consultant to entrepreneur marriages where one spouse is involved in their partner’s business.
Peter Pearson. Ph.D. is a psychologist who has specialized in working with couples for 35 years. He has been a distributor and trainer of network marketers. He has been interviewed about building strong marriages.
Peter Pearson, Ph.D. Coach and consultant for couples who work together. Co-founder The Couples Institute. Featured in major media such as the New York Times, Cosmo, Redbook,
Peter Pearson, Ph.D. Peter is a success coach and consultant especially for couples who want to strengthen their skills and abilities to work as a team. He co-founded The Couples Institute with his wife, Dr. Ellyn Bader. They have written two best-selling books. They are frequently invited speakers at mental health conferences focusing on helping couples bring out the best in each other.
They have been interviewed in most major media including Good Morning America, CBS Morning Show, NY Times, Redbook, Business Insider, NPR, Nightline, O Magazine, and over 50 other news media.
He can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org
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