Why do some people want more in life, but yet they remain stuck?
You have dreams and goals, but somehow things are simply not moving in the direction you had planned? Or worse, maybe you’ve stopped believing that the life you’ve always wanted is even attainable? I’m sure we’ve all had times we feel like that.
Let me ask you, do you see similarities between you and your parents?
DNA passes down through generations… you, parents, grandparents, great grandparents, and so on. If that’s the case, and it is, you could actually track it right back to when your ancestors lived in a cave. In order to survive, your pre-historic ancestor needed to be able to see an event and interpret it as danger or safe… immediately. Most likely they had two dominant thoughts, kill something to eat and keep from being killed and eaten.
And to some degree we still have this mechanism of recognition in place today. We just don’t view it the same way. Something happens… and our brain stretches and searches all through our past networks, our DNA programming looking to match some sort of pattern so we can make an instant decision… is this safe or dangerous.
The meaning we give something is based upon a constant comparison of our past experiences projected into the future with the anticipation or possibility of it happening again. Something happens and we immediately tell ourselves a story about what it means.
You decide to have more of something in your life… a relationship, to start a business, whatever… and immediately you feel fearful and alone but you don’t know why. You then start to make up all sorts of stories in your mind about what could happen if you proceed.
Remember, it’s a made up story in your mind. It’s not real… YET!
So when you step into the future, you don’t really step into an empty future, but rather you step into a future that is filled with interpretations about what happened in the past, and what could happen in the future if you proceed.
A sales person at her first appointment she gets a very rude “no.”
So the next presentation she won’t step into a blank future, but rather, first, she steps into a previous negative past experience. Put enough of these “no’s” together and now the salesperson does everything in their power to avoid prospecting so they don’t have to experience another ‘no.’ Again, the rejection had no meaning until you gave it one.
You made the “no” mean something about you…when in reality it wasn’t about you at all.
Imagine three circles. A circle on the left: In that circle: something happens to you… broken marriage, lose money in a business venture, business not working… you decide what goes in there.
Circle on right: You gave what happened meaning… bad experience with last marriage. Marriages don’t work out, business didn’t work last time and is not working now.
The circle on bottom: You live your life as if your story is true.
We live in a black and white world. However most live their life in the gray as if their story is true, when in reality it’s a made up story created from past experiences. This is an example of in-authentic living. You are living as if your story is true and reacting accordingly.
Everyone has a story, but the reality is that your story is mostly an illusion. It’s a made up belief.
Beliefs work like sunglasses. Sunglasses change incoming light before it hits your eyes. The world does not change to a shaded image. Only your perception changes looking through the glasses. But if you wear sunglasses long enough and you will eventually forget you have them on. Believe something long enough and eventually you experience it as true and it becomes a core belief.
Core beliefs change how you see the world before you are even aware of seeing anything.
It is critical for survival because it separates things that might get you killed and eaten from everything else.
In a sense it is protecting you, but not always, because we automatically filter everything that happens to us according to core beliefs, which may not be true.
In other words, your core beliefs may not be taking you in the direction you want to go.
Prey animals cannot afford to not follow their core beliefs. Humans are no exception. The top priority your brain has is to keep you from getting killed and eaten…maybe not literally in today’s world, but, you may fear getting killed and eaten by an audience when you step on a stage, or by a prospect when making a presentation, or in a relationship in an argument, etc.
To change a core belief, you must challenge it. How did you come to believe this? Who taught you? What if they didn’t know? Is it true? And most importantly, who would you be without that belief?
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