Recognizing and honoring our differences as men and women. The unique challenges and opportunities of women in this business. A woman’s natural strengths and how to make the most of them. What it takes for women to be respected and honored in business… and more. What follows is an edited transcription of a MasterMind call John Fogg hosted with Carol McCall. John has been a student of Carol’s for more than a dozen years (along with Richard Brooke, Teresa Romain and others), he’s co-presented The Empowerment of Listening Course with Carol and interviewed her for six hours of the Empowerment of Listening audio album, which was the basis of Carol’s book, Listen! there’s a world waiting to be heard. The MasterMind Calls are interactive, so you’ll also be reading questions, comments and conversations with listeners, John and Carol. Carol, you say there are unique strengths and qualities women have that make them a natural for this business. Along with that, there have to be unique challenges, too. That’s where I’d like to start. NULL Great, thank you John. It was women in the Oxyfresh organization who really spoke to me first. We had a program called Leadership, Productivity and Service. There were an almost equal number of men and women at that point; more women than men, and yet there was a very solid body of men attending that training program. The women had been saying, for a couple of years, we need a leadership program where we as women can address our own specific items, our own specific concerns in terms of being leaders in network marketing, in terms of being leaders in the world, and acknowledging all of the different roles we play.
Women in network marketing very often confuse their roles with who in essence they are.
Out of their requests and concerns and their constant questioning of, “Look, can we do something that specifically addresses us?” came The Possibility of Woman course which has been out since 1990. An extraordinarily powerful course, it has just opened up the world to us. To date, we’ve had women in Israel, Australia, London, and Southeast Asia, as well as the United States participating and coming into the course through network marketing. The whole point that is made, in terms of women in network marketing, is that women bring to NWM a fundamental core of nurturing and nourishing. Now, I want to be clear that there are a lot of women who have what I call ‘male energy’, which is very objective, very left brain, logical, sequential, productive, performance driven. I am very clear about those women, I happen to be one of them… and there is an integration that women bring that is different from men. In terms of women in NWM they bring an integration that is almost unconscious to them. What I mean by that is that they are able to bring the nurturing and the nourishing, the empowerment, and the mentoring. I’m giving up the word ‘mothering’ because there are so many women who have chosen not to be mothers in terms of biology; yet they choose to be mentors, which is a female characteristic. Women get confused with the roles they play and who they are. In terms of communication, my work is about women getting the answer to the question “Who are you at the very core of yourself?”
Let’s get to values, let’s get to what really inspires you, what really has you motivated, what makes you jump out of bed in the morning and say, “This is what my day looks like. This is who I am and what I’m giving to the world.”
Those are the very fundamental things about who women are. One of the exercises that I have women do in my women’s course, is to describe the five powerful adjectives that they are, they’ll say, “I am an intelligent, sensitive, playful, sexy, creative woman!” Okay, so based on those adjectives, how do you live from that core? Taking those adjectives, those values, how do you live from that on a daily basis rather than attempting to live from a role? You bring those values and those qualities to those roles.
Just because your roles change doesn’t mean your values change, they don’t!
And this is where a lot of women get confused. Once they get that clear, that they have a constancy about the values that they bring, then they become clear about who they are in terms of a contribution. I have yet to meet any human being, whether male or female, who doesn’t want to truly be a contribution. What do little children say at a very early age? “Can I help?” That’s contribution. “Can I play?” They want to contribute. In terms of human nature, that doesn’t go away, and it certainly doesn’t go away in terms of how women are socialized. Part of my background is Marriage and Family Counseling and Family Systems. What I see is that sometimes part of the socialization that women received was very blocked in… You had to be a perfect wife, you had to be a perfect daughter, and you had to be a perfect mother… yadda, yadda, yadda! No wonder there was confusion.
Very few women were raised or socialized to understand that who you are in your core is what you bring to the roles. You are not your roles.
These are the things you play, these are the things you perform. However you bring something far beyond the roles. There’s a substance, there’s a richness, an ability to truly check in and find out who people are at their core. I’m not saying that’s different for men, I’m saying that men do it differently. There are times when women don’t understand that men do this, too, it just looks different. One of the major places that I have had to look is how men are in sports. How men are when it comes to performance, doing things, those same kinds of qualities show up in how they do things. Women come more from, not so much the doing as from the integration of how they BE and how they DO.
A women’s first perspective comes from how do I relate to this environment? A man’s first perspective comes from how do I figure out this environment?
Not wrong, not bad, not any kind of disempowerment… it’s just different. If a man is coming from ‘How do I figure it out in order to serve?’ a woman comes from ‘How do I relate in order to serve?’ What women bring is relationship to the majority of the things they participate in. That’s not a negative. That’s how they function. Network marketing really is about relationship. For men and women to be successful in network marketing— and specifically women— is to own and to recognize both aspects of how they integrate themselves, both relationships plus the logic, the left-brain, the systems, the structures, all of that needs to be integrated. That’s not who they are, that is how they get to integrate their lives. That’s the major distinction. One challenge I believe women have is, “How do I move it from the relationshipping and friendshipping into the ‘let’s talk about working together’. Do you have anything to say about that that might help them deal with that? Yes! I have a lot to say and that would take about four days, so I’m going to condense it. Yes, it is a challenge for women to have the distinction between relationship and now, of course, business. I talk about the relationship wheel. I love to describe the relationship wheel. In relationship we have several concentric circles. We have an Inner Circle, a first circle that includes YOU, the person, and there are very few people in there. These are the people you can just express your body and soul to with no fear of condemnation, criticism and judgment, (CCJ), and these people unconditionally know who you are and accept who you are— these are the people in your inner circle, your core circle. Then there is the next circle outside of that called Friends. Friends are people with whom we share very similar interests and very similar values. We tend to see life and its workings similarly. Wh
ile we may not always agree with one another we certainly have camaraderie, a companionship and we have an empathy in terms of our perspective, so we share similar perspectives. Then we have the next circle, which is called Associates. Those are people with whom we share activities. We share a number of similar kinds of interests that, while they might not be the same, these associates bring variety and diversity and new information and exposure to “the world at large”. We learn about the “world at large” through our associates. These are definitely people who bring us new perspectives. And then there’s the final circle called COI, Center of Influence.
These are the networkers that we bring into our life to expand on what we are interested in— primarily our life purpose and how we are going to express ourselves out into the world.
- How to Think Like a Man and Listen Like a Woman! by Carol McCall - November 25, 2020
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